Hump Day Ponderings

My boss told me this morning she was going to change my title to "Bonnie's Personal Translator" because, as she puts it, "I know I'm speaking english, but they sure don't seem to understand it!" At least my day started with a laugh!

I felt like I hit the lottery today -- I filled up my gas tank this morning at $2.55/gallon. By the time I left work it was $2.99/gallon. My MIL says they are worried that Charlotte will run out of gas here soon due to no deliveries in the past few days. I am really worried about gas prices.

Duncan had a bad day at school. Charles screwed up and gave him his night time meds this morning -- third time in a year this has happened. So I now have to make it MY job to give him his medications. Connor had a pretty good day today -- Charles put them both in our inflatable pool this afternoon so they got some much needed outside time.

I'm off to go work on some scrapbooking stuff!

Almost "Fall"

Wow, is it really the last day of August tomorrow? Duncan continues to get great notes from school -- although he argued alot about ordinals repeatedly during homework last night. He actually fell asleep on the couch tonite -- check out the photo-a-day log I'm keeping to see.

We have a busy weekend upcoming -- I've got two secret shops to do, my friend Stacy is supposed to come in to visit Friday night, and Charles' mom is headed in on Saturday. Duncan & Connor need backpacks, I desparately need to edge the yard, and I'm behind on some Christmas gifts I'm working on. Ah well, we'll see what gets done!

Third Grade

And so the first day of third grade begins! I took several pictures of Duncan at the bus stop this morning, but this was the only one where he didn't give me a "serious" face. We was actually easy to get up and moving this morning which surprised me. His planner note said he had a great day, and when he got home he went right to his homework. WooHOO!

Giraffe Rides and A New School Year

Bet THAT got your attention... hahahha...

Our Saturday was fun -- we went out and saw March of the Penguins at the theater with our friends the Tomihiros. Connor got bored and was in and out of the theater, but I really enjoyed the movie. Dot & Susan took Duncan to see it on Sunday. He had studied penguins in school last year, so he really enjoyed it. But on to the bigger news of the week.

My mother-in-law called Saturday, and informed us instead of bringing Duncan home on Sunday, could Charles & Connor meet them at the Lazy 5 Ranch on Monday instead? But of course! We told Connor when he started balking at bedtime Sunday night that he needed his sleep because he had a "big day" tomorrow seeing wild animals... well on the ride to take me to work on Monday we were talking about it, and he informed me he was going to get to ride a giraffe today. LOL -- I told him he was going to SEE a giraffe. And he did -- even got to feed one!
They had a lovely time at the ranch -- they have a wagon ride that you can go on to see and feed the animals. Susan used my camera so I wouldn't have to miss the whole thing. I think all three of my boys had a good time. They were certainly exhausted Monday night.



Today we attended open house at Duncan's school -- can you believe he's going into 3rd grade?! I was so glad we went -- he has the same teacher as last year, but they moved his classroom. One of the assistants in his room, Mr. Cann, moved to West Forsyth HS, so Ms. Steward is now there. She was familiar with some of the techniques used with sensory problems, so I was very encouraged. We signed up for the PTA, bought Duncan one of the new school tshirts, and a magnet for our car.



Tomorrow is a "free day" for Charles and the kids, and then school starts on Thursday.

Tears and Frowns

I guess it's my day to be in a down mood. I've been having hot flashes really badly all week, haven't slept well, and generally haven't felt good this week. I brought home some work to do this weekend, but haven't gotten motivated yet. I got really depressed last night and cried alot -- although it did get me to clean Connor's room -- ewwwww. Charles keeps pointing out how well he's keeping the house -- there is dried shit on Connor's carpet I have to deal with today, and we haven't tackled Duncan's room yet. I guess Charles couldn't see the shit for all the toys on top of it?

I get so angry sometimes. I actually work 40 hrs a week. I know keeping kids is work, but is it too much to ask that he do housework too? He'll proudly demand I "notice" that he cleaned when I get home. OK, so he ran the vacuum for 45 seconds today. If I say anything about something that needs doing I'm "raising my standards".

And yet, I'm still motivated to try and make things work. And because of this I have been told I'm keeping secrets, rambling... well you know what, I'm a pretty open person. Except when sharing information gets me attacked. I don't like to fight. When I care about someone's opinion I'm very non-confrontational. Can I explain why I care about the opinion of a man who keeps a nasty house and wants me to praise it? No... when I figure it out my readers will be the first to know. One piece of advice I've gotten is to quit the best job I've ever had and move home. Hmmm, can barely make ends meet on what I make now, constantly get criticism that I don't manage my money well enough -- so I should go to $0 income... plus I don't want to live where I grew up. My job is the only part of my life right now that makes me feel good, besides my children. On my task list is to call a therapist I fired because he told me *I* needed to change so my marriage would work, and ask him to write up his comments about Connor's potty issues to try and get him into a preschool. Yep, I'm motivated to do that. I do good to get lunch some days, my boss is pressuring me to work overtime, yep, I've got tons of time to write those kind of letters or make phone calls. Oh, do it when I get home after 40+ hours? But when would I get my husband's job done, or give him the attention I deny him?

Sorry, apparently I needed to vent a little. Don't get me wrong, I think any readers are entitled to their opinion of me, good or bad. You're even entitled to express it. Just understand that my response might be an emotional blog entry.

Blah Blah Blah

Brace yourselves... this will probably a very bland entry. The bipolar mood swings continue -- Charles was depressed and combative last night, and today he is all smiles and upbeat. Connor has been in good humor lately other than being frustrated at Toon Town -- the other kids often won't include him when he's in cashbot headquarters, and if he's tired he cries over it.

Work has been incredibly busy. One of my team quit in July, and we are really starting to feel the effects of being down a person. My boss is lumping more on me, and I'm not keeping up very well at the moment. A few weeks back I traded this week as vacation for a week at the end of October. Duncan has a school break then.

I am busy trying to find a preschool that will take Connor since he's not 100% potty trained. We've all agreed he needs the time out of the house, and Charles would benefit from it. Connor missed the age cutoff for kindergarten this year by just a month, so he needs something to go to.

Did I mention I've started doing "secret shopping"? A friend clued me in to how to get on as a mystery shopper for a local grocery store chain -- thru that site I've found others that do merchandising audits, fast food shops, restaurant shops, even a gas station one. I'm hoping it will bring in some extra pocket cash, and lots of times you get reimbursed for purchases too.

Some days I wish I didn't have such good taste. My current wishes-and-wants list is getting long with items way out of my price range. I'd like to get an iPod, I've seen a computer desk I like so much better than my current one, and an awesome scrapbooking armoire. The scrapbook armoire/desk was "only" $1700.00.... think I should just run right out and order it? LOL -- at least I have my list ready if I ever hit the lottery!

Our Weekend in Charlotte

Ladies, I'm sure you all agree, every now and then there has to be a little "me" time. Well I took mine this past weekend. I almost didn't get there. Wednesday I drove to work -- and at 5 after 2:00 I got a panicked call from Charles telling me he and Connor were romping on our bed and Connor fell off and got a lovely gash on his head. I've shared the pictures here, they aren't that great... (yes I took a camera to the dr).
So I go flying out of work and home to rush him to the doctor. Nothing too serious, but he was awfully sleepy and he staggered a bit, so we had to watch him for concussion symptoms for 24 hrs. Thursday morning we went to pull out of the driveway and this horrific grinding noise starts. WTH -- I had just had the brakes done (rotors no less) to the tune of $324 in June. So we detour to Midas. And when we get there the guy says he thinks it's the calipers. Thankfully it turned out to be a broken pin that holds the pads -- $28 and no real harm done, except I was an hour late to work.

Sooo, yes I did make it to Charlotte Thursday evening. Friday Charles dropped me at the Charlotte convention center for the Creating Keepsakes Scrapbooking Convention. I had bought class tickets in June. Over the next two days I took five classes -- everything from card making to grungy boy layouts. I had a lovely time, though I was exhausted. I spent very little at the vendor faire, but had a great time looking, and catching up with some of my cyber buddies from the NCMemory Makers list.

Saturday night, the rule of 3s struck -- we are still struggling with Connor & potty training. The therapist says Connor is using it as a control issue due to the stress in the house from Charles' illness etc. Charles and Dot don't agree. Well, I was laying down taking a nap, and apparently Connor had a potty accident. Next thing I know Charles' temper ERUPTS. He got so mad he broke a wooden spoon over the toilet, and scraped up his knuckles when he hit the wall. I really need more
education and support about bipolar disease. I am still upset -- I can't live with this kind of temper and strife in my family. I want to give Charles every opportunity to get the help he needs to be the best father & husband he can be -- but I can't continue to allow the effects of his illness on my kids and me... so I ponder my choices. Charles is very contrite and remorseful, but I'm just not sure I can stay the course. Connor will start preschool 1/2 days in September, and I will be working toward improving our finances to position us for whatever the right choice turns out to be.

I feel so inadequate some days.... those of you that have joined me in blogville... thanks for letting me into your lives. Seeing that we all struggle with our own issues and day-to-day decisions helps me feel normal. I'm sorry if I don't find time to post comments on your blogs, but I do read them (Deanna, Julie, Robin, Toni, Tara, Elyse, Courtney.. and others)

Duncan's Birthday

As I mentioned in my last post, we decided on Chuck E Cheese for Duncan's birthday party. I choked a bit on the price, but my mother-in-law helped out a bit. Fast forward to party day... we are driving home from my work and Duncan asks about his party. "What party?" I deadpan... and he eagerly informs me it's his irthday... "It is???" I know, I'm a bad mom to tease him so.

He got really REALLY excited when we arrived at Chuck E Cheese. I must say, if you haven't had an official party there, it's worth it. Our table was decorated at our arrival with a big sign that said "Duncan is 9". He and his guests got 40+ tokens each, and other than eating time and when Chuckee came to visit us in person, we only saw them when they brought tickets back or got more tokens. His friend CJ (and mom Janet) came, and the Tomihiro family came and brought nephew Scott too. Duncan was so excited about his Yu-Gi-Oh dealing thing from Dot Dot he squealed when
opening his presents. He also tried to ride his new scooter from Mom and Dad around the restaurant. His other big gift was from my parents -- a new hood/light for his fish tank and two new plecostomus. He's very excited to have his fish tank lit again.

We spent over 3 hours at the party, then Duncan left to head to Charlotte with Dot & Susan. Connor opened his "birthday brother" gift from Grandma & Granddad when we got home and hugged them all the way to bed (little Tonka friends). I was exhausted, but pleased. I think we'll be doing the same party for Connor in November.

Stuff

OK, so I feel terrible -- what happened to those daily blog entries I
intended? I get just as frustrated when I visit blogs that I like and
there is no update -- I'm so sorry! Blame the heat (high 90s, high
humidity, heat index over 100), blame work (more about that in a bit), blame perimenopause (hot flashes, tired, irritable)...

So what's happened in the last week or so? I took the "family swim
center" we bought at Walmart for $30 out to the backyard, and let the sweat
roll into my eyes as I inflated it. Any regrets vanished at the sight
of two pairs of dancing eyes watching intently from the kitchen door.
They went flying to wake their daddy from his nap and make him help me.
LOL! Since we inflated the pool they spend 1-3 hrs a day splashing in
it (10' x 6', 22" deep) and it has been the only way I've gotten them to
play outside this month. Charles discovered the heat is almost bearable
if we bring one of the little fans to the backporch to blow on the
supervising adult. Since it would cost us $14 per visit to the local
pool, we've gotten our money's worth easily already. It came with a
cover, and we've added a foot washing bucket so we aren't having to drain it as often. They are also sleeping much better since the inflation of the
pool. As a matter of fact, they now want to both sleep in Duncan's room.
I missed the picture of the week though, they woke up super early last Thursday (3:30 am) and by the time I got home Thursday Connor was passed
out on the couch with his swim goggles still on. It was soooo cute.

My favorite online game, Asheron's Call, launched an expansion, Throne of
Destiny. I've been busy in the later evening hours enjoying the game and
camaraderie. Charles continues to play World of Warcraft, and has a
regular online "date" with our friends the Tomihiro's on Wednesdays. Our
kids play Toontown Online together and are working on their computer skills
while squealing and dancing in delight. We got Jump Start 2nd Grade
Advanced installed on the kid's computer but now the monitor is misbehaving so I have to look at that again.

Fourth of July week brought the return of Big Brother 6 to CBS -- yes, I am
a reality TV junkie. I really like most of this year's cast -- they
booted the one guy I thought was horrid (Michael) -- but I'm waiting to see more "secrets" as the theme this year is "summer of secrets".

I need to get out in the yard and get the last of the limbs we took off the tree over the house into the yard waste container, and use the trimmer in the front yard -- it needs it SOOO bad, but considering I pour sweat
standing still, I'm kind of waiting for things to cool off. There's a
rumor it might only be in the 80s Thursday and Friday so maybe there is hope.

Next week marks Duncan's 9th birthday on Tuesday. We'll go shopping for
his present this weekend -- I think we are going to get him a scooter.
I had tried to get Tuesday off, but didn't manage it, so we are going to
Chuck E Cheese Tuesday night for dinner. We have invited two other
families (3 kids total) to join us and are actually doing the official
party package. By the time I buy party supplies and a cake, I spend close
to what I'll have spent on the party fee. So we'll see how it goes.
Duncan will get a kick out of them announcing stuff about "Duncan's birthday party" so it should be alot of fun.

P.S. -- I dated this for the date I wrote it, not the date I finally got around to posting it!

Mumblings

Is it really almost Wednesday again? Wow, time flies. Our friend Nic came over and helped Charles clean out the gutters on the house in preparation for any rain from the hurricanes. The worst gutter had 6 trees in it, and (according to Nic) about 50 lbs of silt/dirt. Ugh. On a positive note, the gutters and downspouts are now clean, and Nic & Charles trimmed back the tree that overhangs that part of the roof. Whew, more yardwork has been done at our house in the past two weeks than in the past two years.

Big Brother 6 started last week, so I have a reality TV show to watch again. Duncan is kind of exasperated at me as this means he doesn't get exclusive TV control in the evenings, but that's life.

Connor demonstrated his problem solving abilities again my managing to get something down off the top of the refridgerator today. So much for having a safe place to put chemicals. He's too smart for four!

Yard Work

OK, have I mentioned all the yardwork Charles & Dot did this week? We have these bushes in front of our house... .

They had gotten a little unruly... and Dot came home with an electric hedge trimmer and pneumatic limb cutters. Watch out for a woman with yard equipment (me!) Here's the result:





We found two empty bird nests in those bushes, and lots and lots of briars and brambles. Once we finish clearing away the clippings, I have hope I'll be able to trim lightly and shape this up to look like someone loves it again!

Saturday Stuff

Our houseguest went home tonite, so I have time to write again. Duncan was quite sad to see his grandmother head out, but I'm sure he'll be over it soon.

The little monkey pulled quite the stunt today -- he let "monsters" lock all the doors so Dot Dot wouldn't leave, and locked everyone out of the house. I had to boost him into an unlocked window to get us back in the house.

On a positive note, Charles & Dot got alot of yardwork done this week -- we tamed the house eating bushes, and the weed/bramble garden in the back. We have work to do this weekend in getting the cuttings picked up, but it does look so much better. Dot bought the kids a soccer ball and a tee ball set so they've been out in the backyard playing. Tomorrow I have to find the bicycle pump so I can blow up their pool.

I have Mojo, hear me RAWR!!!

Heh, I went to a crop tonite -- first one in a while and I was amazed at how creative I felt. I got 6 pages done, a card, and planned out four more. The kids come home on Sunday. Tomorrow we are headed out w/Bob & Lisa to see The Pacifist at the $2 cinema.

Roger stayed over one night this week -- we watched Star Wars. I had an itch to see it after we went to see Revenge of the Sith.

Updates

The kids are still at Dot Dots, having a large time. Charles is seeking out some therapy for his depression over the next couple of weeks, I hope it helps him. Otherwise, we've been pretty boring.

Live Out Loud

"If you ask me what I came into the world to do, I will tell you I came to
live out loud." Emilie Zola

We fired the therapist today -- Charles just isn't comfortable seeing him, and given my concerns, I decided it was best. The kids are at Dot-Dot's house for a surprise vacation, so this should be interesting -- she hasn't had them all to herself in quite a while.

Nothing much else to say tonite, but I did find the quote above recently and thought it fit my personality.

Family Ponderings

Ever wanted to fire a therapist? I can't quite decide if I do or don't... not that he's done anything wrong, but I sure don't know what we are up to. We took the kids with us tonite -- he saw Duncan & Charles, then me & Duncan, then me & Connor. I got scolded for responding everytime my kids made a comment to me, and Duncan told me he was "very angry at us for punishing him". John (the counselor) did note that Duncan definitely has some learning disabilities, auditory processing being one of them (that's not exactly how he put it but I can't remember now), and that we needed to "love him alot" or he'd start rejecting our love. Hmmm..... I feel like I just fell down the rabbit hole. I know my "homework" is to stop explaining when I discipline, just "be in charge", to love my kids alot, but other than that... next step is how do I get control back...

The kids are upstairs right now watching "The Incredibles" -- we bought it after we took them to see it a few months back, and they caught a bit of it in the store. It's amazingly quiet at the moment.

I'll write more once I finish pondering, but I sure don't know if we accomplished anything tonite or not.

Ain't Nuttin' Up

The title refers to a song from the musical "The Robber Bridegroom"... we're having a pretty boring Saturday morning. Duncan came home Thursday; he seems glad to be home but to my dismay the fighting and arguing between the kids seems to have picked up right where it left off. I am hard at work practicing my even tone of voice as I work with the kids -- the four of us have a family counseling appointment on Wednesday. I have hopes it will help. Connor is making marginal improvement on potty training -- he woke up dry this morning, I was so proud. He's also starting to ask to go to the potty. wooHOO.

Dot goes home today -- I think the kids have been very much on her nerves with the fighting. She has been critical of their behavior, and is probably ready for a grandchild-free zone for a bit.

We had another in a minor string of financial disasters -- our brakes were checked a month or two ago, and we were told the brake pads were wearing, but we had several months to go. We've tried several times to get them looked at, but just didn't get there. Thursday night they started GRINDING, so I made Charles have them looked at Friday morning. Sigh... the front rotors were below spec, and had to be replaced -- $324.67. So we'll be eating alot of hot dogs and sandwiches until we catch up. The lawnmower is spewing gasoline everytime Charles tries to start it, and since I treated my lawn this spring, it's growing like crazy. The neighbor said we could borrow his lawnmower, so I can put off that problem for a wee bit.

Well, it's time for me to roust my sleepy husband for his turn on kid duty. Hope you all have a peaceful Saturday!

You Can Quote Me...

"If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. " -Linda Furney

Very true, yes? Sorry, I tend to hide behind humor when I'm down or bored. Here's another one that struck my funny bone while surfing today:

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married." - - -Katherine Hepburn

These all came from here. Instead of working on some of my scrapbooking projects, or even something as low down as h-o-u-s-e-w-o-r-k I'm sitting here rambling. Duncan & Dot have decided he's not coming home this weekend, so we'll see when he actually comes home. Connor had company yesterday, 3 of Penny's kids, and today he's just been chatty and screechy (is that a word?) I have an urge to take the camera outside and play with it, I've been reading some photography articles on the web lately. I tried taking some of Mandy yesterday while Penny & the kids were here, but nothing came out that suited me.

Have a good Sunday, I might write more later...

Saturday Ramblings

"No one, Eleanor Roosevelt said, can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it." Marian Wright Edelman

I feel so uninspiring this morning. All my favorite blogs haven't updated since the last time I checked, I'm waiting for some friends to arrive for a visit, and I just feel... lost. Connor woke up in a marvelous mood this morning -- he's busy playing Spyro the Dragon on the PS2. My back is really tight today -- this one spot on my lower shoulder blade has been bad for about a week, but I'm starting to get tension in my neck too. I think the rainy, damp weather is part of it. I keep looking around my house and can't decide where to start. I have more CDs to add to my computer jukebox, I need to finish my other canvas project, I need to determine what pictures need to be printed so they can be added to the scrapbooks... Duncan has clothes that need washing... I could go on and on, and none of that inspires me to get up and DO something. Rainy Saturdays were meant for sleeping!

"... try being the right person."

"Rather than trying to find the right person, try being the right person. " unknown

I went to a humorous quote site on the internet, but this one popped out at me. I sure am trying awfully hard lately to be the right person... hmmmm...

I spoke to Dot today -- Duncan is enjoying his visit with her. We normally talk alot more with her while he's there; I guess all of us need the break from each other. Connor I think is really missing his brother, he had a sob session this morning because we washed his blanket. He went to Kidspot today -- Dad needed a break (and had a dental appointment) and I thought a change of scenery would be good for Connor.

I am really thinking I'm probably going to have to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about a medication change -- I'm still very scattered and teary, which tells me the prozac isn't doing everything it should. I sat down tonite at the computer to kill some electronic blips, and to clear my head with some journal writing. I have the jukebox on my computer playing music and it's very peaceful -- Charles is depressed, so he went to bed early. I thought he had an online gaming session tonite (World of Warcraft) but I guess not!