Wednesday, November 16, 2005

My Bad Day

Well I go from feeling "in control" to having the worst day in weeks. Tonite at fellowship the choir director in the absolute nicest possible way talks to Charles and I about Duncan's lack of focus and how it's making it hard for the other children in his choir who are really passionate about the music to enjoy their experience. She was trying so hard to be compassionate it made me cry. I cried out in the hallway all the way thru his practice. They are singing Sunday in the choir loft, and she's concerned about him being up there for the whole service. So we'll see. Momma to the rescue, to micromanage him for 24 hrs this weekend to align the stars, his diet, his rest, and his meds to see if I can get a perfect day. And I'll do all this and he'll get cold feet and not wanna do it. Of course I'll be disappointed if we need to take him out of choir, but that's MY problem. I worry about how he'll feel about it, it's like karate all over.

So just when I'm starting to calm down from that, I get THIS email from his den leader.


Fun was had by all last night. I'm sure Duncan had a lot to tell you about his Lowes visit. I do want to talk to you about ways I can help Duncan focus on the subject at hand. Charles mentioned that his behavior and non focus last night was due to his medicine expiring for the day. I do need you and Charles' helping me during
meetings so all of the children can get the most out of the meetings and what is being taught. I just felt like many times last night that I was trying to keep Duncan focusing on the subject and he was not responding to me. Just help me learn how to help Duncan so everyone is comfortable with the situation at hand.
So here we go with the tears again. He would NOT understand about not being able to do Cub Scouts. You get so much shit from other people about how if you'd just "parent" your child properly they'd behave. It's not that easy with a child with all these issues. I *do* rely on medication to help us, and of course, again, it's not working the way it should. So I have to find time in my slammed schedule to call the psychiatrist and see if we can get in for an adjustment sooner, and it's hit-or-miss as to if that helps.

The only bright note was some useful information about encopresis (don't look up the word if you don't want TMI) -- finally, some practical ideas on what we can do. But administering enemas, mineral oil, and all the suggestions they have really need to be done by a primary caretaker, someone at home with the child. And that someone is depressed and not doing squat other than whining. And bitching. He's started whining that he takes too many pills. That is usually the sign of him starting NOT to take them. UGH.

So here I sit, wondering how I'm ever gonna keep up at work at the moment, and I'm overwhelmed by Christmas shopping, school, dealing with Duncan... and of course, everything is my fault. Ask the expert (the whiner). And for the record, yes Mother, I'm taking MY medication. Doesn't seem to help tonite. Oh, one other bright spot, Lisa got sent home on America's Next Top Model! Sorry to be such a downer, I just hate when my life slaps me in the face.


Courtney said...

Oh, Carolyn, {{{BIG HUGS!!!}}} I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better. Just remember that it is NOT your fault! You are a great person and a great mother, and sometimes things are just beyond our control.

Deanna Kroll said...

Carolyn I am so sorry to hear that you were having a bad day. :( **HUGS** to you! I hope things get better.

It's been a bit since I visited your blog, and WOW! I love what you did with it! You'll have to share some day with me how you did it so that I can make mine so cool to. ;)