Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I'm so frustrated....

Yes, it really is 4am. Charles is snoring like a wounded chainsaw, and I just can't get back to sleep.

I just posted some really upsetting (to me) pictures to my photo blog of the state of my house. Another blogger that I follow posted about something recently, and noted that she wanted help keeping herself honest, so I'm trying to keep ME honest that I have some issues to work through.

Two years ago, Charles begged for the opportunity to be a stay at home dad. We talked about how this wasn't being unemployed, it was making being our "domestic engineer" his job, and what I was expected to do with housework, which wasn't much. We agreed upon this.

Go look at the picture of my kitchen sink. Go look at the picture of my youngest son's room -- I've posted about shoveling it out recently, and look where it is tonite. I don't feel very blessed at the moment, yet I feel like doing it myself is allowing him to coast. I don't feel taken care of. We disagree, and sometimes even fight on a regular basis about how I don't "appreciate him". Would y'all appreciate being taken care of like this? Would you let a 5 yr old's room get to this state and blame it on him?

I know he has a disease (bi-polar depression) that can be debilatating at times. But what I don't know is how he can think he is doing his part for our family. He's so hard to fight with -- he's very good at emotional blackmail. He pouts. He sulks. He blames it on the fact that I don't show him enough how much I love him. Well I love him, but I don't like him very much right now. KWIM?


Courtney said...

Carolyn- I can relate to some of this. Joe doesn't stay home, but as you know we've had issues about him even picking up after his own trash wrappers and such. And I can relate to your statement of not feeling like you're being cared for. That's how I feel when he's like that too. However I must admit that he has been better lately! If it makes you feel any better- Brendan's room often looks just like that photo and worse. I don't suppose Charles would be receptive to trying the FLYlady system (morning routine, afternoon routine, evening routine, etc would he?

Julie said...


i know what you mean - love and like are 2 different things!